Orgies.
ORGIES!!
They are not only a porn genre. They exist. There is a whole world out there which you might not know much about. The world of group sex and orgies. It might happen in your neighborhood. And it might be way cooler, sexier and classier that you could ever imagine. This is a group sex guide for you and your partner.
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Sharing sexual encounters is beautiful. And it certainly doesn’t have to be limited to one partner. In fact, many couples in normal or “closed” relationships participate in group sexual activities. It’s often referred to as “swinging”, but I’m not a big fan of this term. Probably because some part of me has been traumatized by sleazy TV documentaries. However, it doesn’t hurt to be somewhat at peace with that term, because it’ll pop up in that context over and over again.
So yeah, sharing sexual encounters is beautiful. So why not open up this intimate space for a larger group of people. The more the merrier, right? Right!! At least if you’re doing it right. Let’s have a look at how to do it right. Therefore having as much joy as possible, and hurting as few people as possible. Follow our group sex guide and you ideally hurt no one at all.
Signs that opening up your bedroom to others might not be a good idea
You don’t both want it
First of all, if you want to explore group sex activities as a couple, it’s important that you both want it. While that sounds like common sense, I have met a lot of couples on this path where one partner wasn’t really interested in this at all. Typically it’s the man who initiates it and the woman is dragged along, but I’ve also seen it the other way around.
So only proceed if both of you have the desire to, well let’s say it: fuck other people. And only go deeper with people where you have the impression that they are both into this as well. Trust me, abort immediately if someone isn’t, or doesn’t seem to be, into it. A very simple rule. But not following it can destroy relationships.
You’re not in great relationship shape
The second requirement is that you are in a stable condition as a couple. You have to be in a space where you can communicate well, and you have to have a great time together. It’s ok if the sexual aspect needs a bit of fire – that’s where group sex can help a lot. But it’s not ok if you don’t trust and listen to each other, don’t love each other, or can’t talk to each other about your emotions. You’ll notice that the power of group sex activities is enormous, and you don’t want that power to affect you negatively. Be in a great space when doing such things!
Things that sound like a downer, but aren’t
Now, there are some situations which one might think do not suggest good conditions to be in for getting into group sex, but they actually can be. These work if the previous two requirements (you both want it and your relationship is stable) are being fulfilled. Group sex can be really great for you as a couple if:
- One or both have none or little sexual experience with others. It can be amazing to gain more confidence and expand your or your partner’s sexual horizons together. If one of you has less experience than the other, it feels like catching up a bit and creates equality.
- Your sex as a couple has become a bit boring over time and you could do with some inspiration. Group sex is guaranteed to help you with that. The intimate sex between a couple after “swinging” is known to be the best ever. Such passion!
- He thinks his penis is too small. It probably isn’t. Let him check other dudes’ penises, and he’ll see that not everyone is hung like a porn star.
- She thinks she’s not beautiful enough. She is! Let her be admired by other men, and she’ll recognize that she is sexy and attractive.
As you can see, many of those aspects are about a lack of self-confidence. While the last two sound especially super superficial, having issues around them can be a major roadblock in life. Group sex can be a true booster of self-confidence. If you ever happen to be at a party where many experienced swingers are present (I’m talking about normal parties, where they stay dressed), you’ll see what I’m talking about. Those people’s self-confidence is going through the roof!
Where to find the people that are up for it?
Well, of course, you need other people to do it with. And counter-intuitively to what your recent drunken night out ideas might have been: asking your friends might not be the best idea. If something gets awkward or dramatic, the friendship might go down the drain. Not recommended!
And after all, there’s the internet. And it seems to be made for connecting people with similar interests. So there are amazing platforms out there, which make it rather easy for couples to connect to other couples. Here’s a selection – but of course it depends a lot where you are in the world:
- United States:
- Canada
- United Kingdom:
- Australia:
- Honorary mention:
- https://fetlife.com/ (not specifically intended for that purpose, but many sex-positive people on there)
Note: many of these platforms charge a fee for certain interactions. It can be worth it. But opt-in for a short plan in the beginning, to figure out if it is what you want, and if it offers you what you are looking for. I personally have paid for several of the above-mentioned sites, and the experiences I had via them were worth more than a thousand times the money I spent. They were just wonderful!
What to look for?
When you are looking to mate with others as a couple, you can generally distinguish between:
- Meeting another individual/couple/group privately
- Going to some sort of party/event
The most drama-free experience of those is usually meeting another couple privately which can possibly end up being a form of polyamory. That’s also my and my partner’s personal favorite. It’s more intimate, more communicative, and more magical than parties. And it’s more balanced than meeting with an individual, even though I wish everyone would experience a threesome – it would make the world a better place!
A general rule that we follow is that there is a non-sexual meeting in a neutral space first. Having a coffee together, then everyone going home and feeling a bit more into it. If everyone (that would be all four people!) is inspired, it’s quite common to already get a bit more naughty at the second meeting. But of course you can make your own rules according to your boundaries. No one expects you to do anything. Just be transparent with your desires, fantasies and fears.
Parties and events are interesting too, and funnily enough, some people are more within their comfort zone than with private encounters. That’s not the case for me – it took me a while to be open to the party idea.
If you choose to go to a party as a couple, make sure that it’s a couples and single ladies only party. There are also “curated” parties where you can meet “selected” (read: hot) people in your age group. Just assuming that you want to avoid overweight masturbating single men.
What’s next?
If it’s your desire to experience sexual group activities, talk to your partner about it. If both of you are interested, check out the platforms mentioned above and feel a bit more into it. Are those people interesting to you? Sometimes you have to filter out quite a lot.
Connect with the people you like. It definitely helps if you imagine getting along with them outside of bed. Keep your standards high, even though it takes a bit more time!
Arrange a clearly non-sexual meeting first. That’s super important if you’re new to this.
To practice and going with the flow will help you more than every group sex guide. I have some more articles planned for this series. Subscribe below to be notified once they’re ready.
Yours,
Noel
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